EXPERT COMMENT LAST UPDATED : 17 DECEMBER 2019
The turkey is cooking, you’ve opened your presents and now nobody can agree on what to put on the telly. Sound familiar? Christmas is often a time that families fall out and the intensity of the holiday can leave tempers frayed. Kim Moore, Senior Lecturer in Mental Health Nursing at Birmingham City University, shares eight tips to avoid family feuds this Christmas…
Defuse family fights
Focus on what you can control rather than what you have no control over. If you are visiting someone’s home and the tension is getting too much, you can always leave.
However, if you’re at home then there are going to be times when you can defuse the situation, but others when you need to draw a line.
Unrealistic expectations
You know your family, their strengths and weaknesses. One thing you might consider is what your expectations of the family get together are? Have you set yourself and your family some unrealistic expectations?
Hold onto your opinions
Sometimes it can be better to bite your tongue than engage in solving long standing family issues over the dinner table.
Don’t fuel the fire
One of the main triggers to family discontent during Christmas is the use (and over use) of alcohol. Intoxication is often an argument waiting to happen, so you might consider an alcohol free Christmas this year.
Families can have ‘ritual’ fights that always occur at Christmas – part of the family legend. You could defuse these by changing the Christmas venue and consider going out for dinner instead if somebody normally hosts at home.
Declare a truce
Before the family gets together, try and resolve any outstanding issues so they are not being dealt with on the day. You might agree a truce with topics that are off limits before you all gather together.
The magic of music
Music and singing are great for making us feel better. Try playing karaoke as a family activity or even pass the parcel to Christmas songs. This is a great way to engage all family members from the young to the old and can create some fond family memories.
Get active
Fights often occur within the home environment. Some irritabilities can be defused by going outside for a group walk to the park. If there are children in your family, you could try out some outdoor toys, or – if we get a white Christmas – build a snowman.
Crossing the line
Above all if the disagreements become physical you must keep yourself safe. Don’t be afraid to call for help even if this means calling the police to stop violence occurring.
Unfortunately, domestic violence is known to increase during the Christmas period. Women’s Aid and Men’s Advice Line have advice you may find useful. If family fights are the norm at this time of year, consider making a plan B for the day, just in case.